


Snapshots

by M155_C0nfu510n



Series: Scrapbook [2]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Awkwardness between everybody, Dorky Kyoto Trio, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Photographer Rin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-04-21 14:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14286777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M155_C0nfu510n/pseuds/M155_C0nfu510n
Summary: Rin should have known nothing would be so easy. He just wanted to believe Ryuuji could solve all his problems. If only life were that simple.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK BICHES! Literally started writing this out of spite because I joined the BTS fan train and tried to write stuff for them, but the lack of comments was sucky as you can imagine, so I've returned! I will finish this at some point, I haven't really decided when, but it will happen, so hold tight everybody because we're about to go on another emotional journey that not even I am prepared for.

“You do realize how absurd this is, right?” Yukio’s tone was hesitant as he looked at the teen standing on the porch of his and Rin’s shared apartment. The younger raven could vaguely remember being the TA for one of the teen’s classes the year before, but nothing beyond that. No, wait, he recalled Renzo speaking of the aforementioned teen a time or two when Yukio was helping him study for a test or three. 

He hadn’t expected to see Ryuuji much after that class, but then Rin had surprised him by bringing the teen to their modest home to work on homework and play games on one of the few systems they owned. Yukio had watched them initially, unsure of how to process this change in his brother and their home, but unwilling to break the calm with his own curiosity. So he remained a passive watcher, picking up on the not-so-secret looks shared between Rin and Ryuuji and waiting for the inevitable. 

He just never expected it to happen like this.

“Just...is that a yes?” Ryuuji sighed, and Yukio could vaguely pick up on the slight whine in his tone. Quirking a brow at the teen, Yukio moved aside so Ryuuji could step further into his apartment.

“How about you start over so I can understand why you’re coming to me of all people about this.” Yukio proposed as he closed the door behind the larger teen and led him towards the kitchen. The raven had already made himself a pot of coffee in preparation for a long night of grading papers and completing homework of his own, but he wasn’t averse to sharing. Preparing another mug, Yukio turned and passed it into Ryuuji’s open hands, directing him towards the creamer and sugar he left on the counter. The raven had the courtesy to wait until Ryuuji was satisfied with his coffee before speaking again. “Now, can you explain why you’re asking for my blessing to date my  _ older _ brother? You don’t seem the type for old-fashioned proposals.”

Yukio watched Ryuuji’s fingers thrum against his mug, nails clinking against the worn ceramic before going still as Ryuuji let out an anxious sigh. “I- Rin told me a bit about your father, the adopted one.”

Yukio’s brow quirked at Ryuuji’s distinction between their biological and adoptive father, wondering briefly how close the teen was to his brother to even realize there  _ was _ a difference.

“And, I don’t know, he didn’t exactly say much, but I know enough to know Rin was really close to him and he probably would’ve wanted me to ask like this. My dad is like that, too, and he gave me the idea to stick with tradition, ya know?” Ryuuji let out another frustrated sigh as he muttered under his breath before centering himself. “I know this is probably stupid to you, but I just wanted to show  _ you _ that I’m serious and not in this to hurt Rin. You might be the younger brother, but I know Rin well enough to know he defers to you on quite a few things. If you didn’t like me, he’d probably cut things off. Not to say that this is me trying to kiss your ass or anything!”

Yukio couldn’t hold back his smile as Ryuuji’s cheeks colored with an embarrassed blush. Chuckling at the older teen, Yukio set his mug aside and crossed his arms. 

“You’re surprisingly less articulate than I first thought.” Yukio couldn’t help teasing, Ryuuji made it too easy. He was sure Rin would get back at him for that later, that is, if the brunette ever told the older twin about this experience. Which reminds him… “Does Rin know you’re doing this?”

“No.” Ryuuji gave a decisive shake of his head, gaze unwavering. “I made sure Renzo and Miwa kept him busy while I came here, skipped practice and everything, so I’ll probably be doing suicides at the next practice…” Ryuuji mumbled the last bit to himself. 

Yukio tilted his head as he considered the teen before him. 

Ryuuji wasn’t the typical jock, though he did appear as such at face value. Beneath the piercings and the hair dye was a mind that worked like a steam-engine, of that Yukio could attest. He was surprisingly stable for a teenager in a school where hormones and emotions seemed to cloud the air like an overactive fog. The teen was also quite friendly considering his rough nature, but that part of his personality seemed to be reserved for those that wished to delve deeper into his character- like Renzo, Miwa, and Rin. 

Speaking of, Rin seemed unable to stop talking about the teen, a sure sign of his growing infatuation with the brunette. Yukio smiled softly as he recalled a moment the previous week when Rin had been forced to stay home because of a sudden bout of sickness only for Ryuuji to appear after class with a thermos of soup and bag of medication. 

Yes, Ryuuji was a good kid. 

But was he good enough for Yukio’s brother?

Yukio’s first thought was ‘No’, no one would ever be good enough for Rin. Rin was a special individual that needed to be nurtured as much as he needed to be challenged. He needed a friend, a supporter, not a lover. But, looking at Ryuuji now, Yukio couldn't deny that he was as close to acceptable as anyone could get. Aside from the fact that Rin was already infatuated with the teen, there were also the noticeable facets of his character that Yukio couldn't help but admire. Ryuuji was determined and level-headed in a way that would do well to keep Rin from disappearing into his own mind. 

No matter how well Rin continued to act as though he were beyond the incident in middle school, Yukio was always able to pick up on the discrepancies that said otherwise. There were shadows in the older raven’s eyes, a distance in the way he carried himself in the hallways at school that worried Yukio to no end. There was no ease in the tension Rin seemed to carry on his shoulders, the Atlas of the present day. 

But…ever since Ryuuji entered the picture, he noticed the shadows receding. It was a slow progress, interspersed with moments shared between Rin and the Kyoto Trio- as the school had so aptly dubbed the three best friends- but it was doing wonders for the older twin, of that Yukio couldn’t deny. Rin smiled easier, went to school with a bit more energy than normal, looked forward to weekends spent with the three teens that were comparable to best friends, along with Shiemi when the girl found time away from her precious garden. 

Yukio could finally see the remains of the broken teen fit themselves back together in a way that was new and exciting, strong and unrelenting in a way that Rin had never been before. It was this realization that made Yukio sigh as he offered Ryuuji a slight quirk of the lips. 

“I can’t find any reason to interfere with whatever is growing between you two.” Yukio’s eyes slipped closed as he drifted closer to the teen and gripped the neck of his school shirt. It was unbelievably easy to yank the taller teen to his level and fix him with the smile that Rin compared to that of Satan himself. “But, if I hear that you’ve hurt him in any way, that you’ve pushed him too far before he’s ready for anything, if one foot slips out of line, I will end you and no one will find the body. Understood?”

Ryuuji could do nothing more than nod, and Yukio released him with a pleased hum. “Good, now go talk to my brother while I finish these papers.”

Yukio had never seen the teen move as fast as he did when leaving the apartment.

 

* * *

 

“I don’t believe it.” Renzo snorted as he continued to scribble doodles in the margins of his notebook, feet kicking carelessly in the air from where he laid in the floor of Ryuuji’s bedroom. “There’s no way Yukio would say something that badass. He’s an entire nerd.”

“Shima, I thought my life was going to end….” Ryuuji continued to stare at his ceiling as he recalled those unbelievably blue eyes staring daggers into his soul. He felt bare and exposed in a way that seemed unnatural, almost cosmic. Yukio terrified him, of that Ryuuji couldn’t deny. “I have never felt more terrified of anything in my life…”

“You’re just being dramatic, Bon.” Miwa commented from Ryuuji’s desk, pencil tapping against the wood as he stared at his homework. He bit his lip before scribbling in a number and verifying it with his calculator. “Yukio is an angel. Everybody knows that. Even Rin can’t say anything bad about him.”

Ryuuji glared at his friends before shoving a pillow on his face. “Rin adores his brother...as if he’d say anything bad about him. And not like you guys were even there! You don’t know the horrors I’ve seen!”

“It’s times like this that I realize you and Rin are perfect for each other.” Renzo snickered into his shoulder before grunting as a pillow connected with his head. He glared up at Ryuuji in consternation before turning away with a huff. “Rude…I’m just trying to be supportive.”

“Then why won't you believe me!?” Ryuuji growled as he sat up in his bed. Renzo finally offered the teen his full attention and realized that the meeting between Yukio and Ryuuji must have been a bit more disconcerting than he initially thought if the twitch in Ryuuji’s brows was anything to go by. With a wince, Renzo sat up and offered the brunette an apologetic smile. It did little to ease the tension in Ryuuji’s shoulders.

“Bring it down, Bon. Talk to Renzo.” The pinket soothed as he stood from the floor and drifted to sit on the edge of the brunette’s bed. Ryuuji didn’t fight the hands that dragged his face into Renzo’s shoulder, fingers carding gently through his tousled hair. “Tell me all about it ya big baby.”

“Why am I even friends with you?” Ryuuji mumbled into Renzo’s shoulder. 

“Because I’m the annoying brother you need.” Renzo responded with a cheeky grin. Ryuuji finally let out a frustrated sigh as he relaxed into Renzo’s side. 

“I seriously think Yukio is bipolar or something...it was like a switch flipped. He was still smiling, you guys...his tone never changed...I’ve never felt so insignificant to someone before…” Ryuuji shivered as he remembered those eyes, hidden behind a pair of lenses, peering into his soul and pulling up his darkest secrets.

Not that they amounted to more than a drunken handjob shared between himself and Renzo one night after a particularly rough game, but it was enough. Ryuuji let out a sigh at realizing the turn of his thoughts. 

Those things needed to stay buried deep in the recesses of his mind to never be spoken of again. 

Never, ever,  _ ever, _ again…

“I told you to skip the whole permission thing and just go for it. You brought this on yourself.” Renzo knocked his knuckles against Ryuuji’s temple to further his point. “That stupid, big brain of yours is always trying to put meaning into stuff and now you’re terrified of the nicest guy in this town. Well, besides Rin, but you’re so far up his ass I doubt you’ll ever be scared of him.” Renzo teased only to wince as he felt a pinch against his side. “Rude!”

“You’re literally not helping…” Ryuuji grumbled as he pulled away from the pinket and turned to Miwa for advice. The shortest teen eyed him with an apologetic smile before offering Ryuuji an unsure shrug. 

“You said Yukio accepted you, right?” Miwa pressed and Ryuuji nodded resolutely, a spark of something like pride bubbling in his chest. “Then I think you should focus on that instead of his threat. You know what Rin’s been through, so you can understand why Yukio would be wary of you. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, I think asking for permission to date his brother helped a lot more than you think. Just take a day to let everything sink in then ask Rin out before you both die from anticipation.”

There was silence in the room as Ryuuji digested Miwa’s words. Slowly, a smile curled his lips until he fell back on his mattress with a exhausted sigh. “God, why do I even go to Renzo…”

“Hey! Was I not the best shoulder to cry on? Miwa is too skinny. I’ve got just enough to be supportive.” The pinket huffed as he poked Ryuuji in the side. “Plus, you wouldn’t have met Rin hadn’t it been for me, so I think I deserve a bit more recognition for the start of this angsty, teenage love story.”

It started small, something like a snort slipping beyond the hand pressed against Miwa’s mouth, but then it grew into full blown laughter. Ryuuji joined in soon after with Renzo not a second behind. 

_ This was okay _ , Ryuuji thought as he felt a stitch grow in his side from the lack of air,  _ but it would be better if Rin was here, too _ .

 

* * *

 

“Do you have your wallet?” 

“Yup.”

“Keys?”

“Check.”

“Pocket knife?”

“Yukio, really?”

“Okay...condoms?”

“YUKIO!”

Rin pressed his hands to his face to hide the blush that was rapidly staining his cheeks and ears. God, he wanted the floor to just open up and swallow him. Yukio seemed unperturbed by his reaction as he frowned at the older raven and stepped closer to adjust his hair around his ears.

“I don’t know why you’re freaking out, it’s a perfectly normal question. You’re in high school, Rin, things happen.”

“Not on the first date!” Rin squeaked as he swatted at Yukio’s hands. “God, Yukio, I haven’t even thought about that!”

_ Lies _ , Rin’s thoughts betrayed him as they pulled up the nude shots Ryuuji had posed for a month ago.  _ You’re a complete liar and you know you wouldn’t say no if he asked. _

Yukio allowed a smirk to curl his lips as he took a step away from his twin and gave a decisive nod. “Say what you want, but we both know I know you too well to believe that.”

“Why couldn’t I have a normal brother?”

“Because normal isn’t good enough to handle you.” Yukio teased, but his smile was genuine. “Which is exactly why Ryuuji is on his way here right now to take you out.”

Rin’s cheeks burned even as a giddy smile rose to tug at his lips. Yukio rolled his eyes at the older raven before motioning towards the door with his head. Rin’s smile wavered until he heard the telltale knock on the door and practically tripped over himself to open it. 

Ryuuji was standing on their porch with a bewildered expression, hand still poised to knock before it fell to his side. Rin beamed at the older teen as he tugged at the sleeves of his jacket. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Ryuuji responded dazedly, mouth left agape as he continued to stare at Rin. The raven found himself blushing for the umpteenth time that night as he averted his gaze towards the sun descending at Ryuuji’s back. Before Rin could welcome Ryuuji into his home, the brunette thrust a box in his line of sight. “I, uh, got this for you. I know you don’t really like sweets, but I figured this would be a good compromise.”

Rin blinked at the small box before he smiled and took it from Ryuuji’s hands, their fingers brushing briefly. A spark of something perfect and warm traversed the distance between the two and Rin gasped. He fought down the urge to keep the contact between them as he pulled the box closer and lifted the lid. Inside was a single-serving of tiramisu, a small spoon taped to the interior wall so it didn’t disturb the dessert. 

Rin grinned as he lifted his head and his eyes met Ryuuji’s own. “Thank you.”

“As cute as this is, I feel the need to remind you both that Rin has a curfew and I will stick by it.” Yukio called at Rin’s back and the older raven felt a twitch in his brow as he turned to his younger twin. 

“Why don’t you put this in the fridge for when I get back, hm?” Rin gently closed the lid on the box and forced it into his brother’s hands. Yukio frowned at the rough treatment, but rolled his eyes as he headed for the kitchen. “Thanks, Yuki~”

“Whatever, just be safe you two.” Yukio warned as he watched Rin grab Ryuuji’s hand and race out the door. Shaking his head, Yukio continued towards the kitchen with a small smile. “If only he’d be that excited about school.”

Rin, for his part, was ecstatic as he and Ryuuji made the short walk towards the brunette’s motorcycle in silence, fingers tangled together in a tight grip. When they finally stopped beside Ryuuji’s motorcycle, Rin turned to him with an embarrassed smile. “Sorry about Yukio...he’s been more of a pain lately than usual.”

“He just cares about you.” Ryuuji defended with a gentle smile, eyes flickering towards where his and Rin’s fingers were still tangled together. “Don’t be ashamed of that.”

Rin felt something warm and comfortable flutter in his chest as he released a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. The next breath was easy and light, the smile he gave Ryuuji even more so. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Ryuuji responded with an equally soft smile. The two stood awkwardly then before Ryuuji reluctantly separated their fingers and motioned towards his motorcycle.

“You remember how I told you to sit, right?” Ryuuji questioned as he unlatched the two helmets attached to the side of his motorcycle. He passed one into Rin’s waiting hands and slid his own on over his head, the visor adding a slight glare to the raven. 

Rin nodded as he carefully pulled the helmet over his hair, silently lamenting the hour he spent trying to get the raven tresses in order earlier that night. Only when the engine roared to life did Rin slide onto the seat at Ryuuji’s back, arms automatically encircling the brunette’s waist and head pressing into his back. 

“Comfortable?” Ryuuji questioned over the roar of the motorcycle and Rin could do nothing more than nod, voice lodged deep in his chest. He thought he heard Ryuuji chuckle, could definitely feel the quick rise and fall of his chest before he undid the kickstand and slowly walked the bike backwards. Rin’s arms tightened minutely as he felt Ryuuji kick his feet off the ground and the motorcycle zoomed through the apartment parking lot and onto the road. 

The wind chilled Rin’s fingers quicker than he thought possible, but the days were growing colder with winter fast approaching. The raven wondered idly how Ryuuji travelled to school during the colder months of the year, but quickly pushed that thought aside as he felt the motorcycle tilt and his body adjusted to follow the bend of Ryuuji’s own. The bike straightened out a moment later and Rin felt his heart slow its rapid beating to something more manageable. As much as he was a thrill seeker, his love of roller coasters could attest, he didn’t know if he was completely comfortable with the motorcycle experience. And he made sure to tell Ryuuji as such when they finally stopped and the engine was cut.

“Shit, sorry. After that first time I thought you’d be okay with it.” Ryuuji grimaced as he scratched nervously at the back of his head, afraid that he had already ruined whatever semblance of a mood had surrounded the pair. Rin picked up on the unease quickly and pressed a comforting hand against Ryuuji’s shoulder before giving a gentle squeeze.

“It’s fine. But let’s maybe walk on the next date.” Rin suggested with a bright smile that was quickly returned by Ryuuji.

“Next date? Someone’s confident in themselves.” Ryuuji teased and Rin blushed as he reeled back his fist and punched the brunette in the shoulder. Ryuuji winced at the sting before rubbing at the pain.

“I try to be nice and this is how you repay me?” Rin scoffed before turning and striding away from the brunette. “I don’t even know why I agreed to go on a date with you.”

Ryuuji smirked as he sidled up to Rin’s side and slipped his arm around the raven’s shoulders. “I think it had something to do with a conspiring friend or two, and we can’t forget my ruggedly good looks and the fact that you’ve already seen me  _ naked _ .” Ryuuji whispered the last part into Rin’s ear before pulling away to open the door to their chosen restaurant for the night. 

It was only Ryuuji’s hand on Rin’s back that kept the raven moving as the rest of his mental faculties shut down. His mind replayed Ryuuji’s words like a broken record, his traitorous thoughts skipping to those pictures that haunted him day and night. Sure, he had stopped looking at the pictures when he realized his infatuation for the brunette had grown into a heavy crush, but that didn’t stop his hormonal mind from memorizing every inch of bronze skin saved on three separate thumb drives and in his physical portfolio. Rin bit his lip to stop the dramatic whine that wanted to pass through his lips, barely registering Ryuuji’s triumphant smirk as the pair drew closer to the counter. 

“You good, Rin?” Ryuuji’s tone was teasing as he slipped his fingers between Rin’s own, the raven tugging futilely at his hand before burying his face in the sleeve of Ryuuji’s jacket.

“Shut  _ up!” _ Rin hissed. 

“Nah, I don’t think I will.”

Rin was suddenly hoping this date would end sooner rather than later.

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh, cutting it a little close, aren’t you?” Yukio questioned as he opened the door to see Rin and Ryuuji standing on the porch with hair and clothes positively ruffled and unkempt. The younger raven quirked a brow as he crossed his arms. “Rin...we just talked about this before you left. I had faith in you.”

“We didn’t do anything, jeez!” Rin growled at the younger raven before pushing past Yukio and into the apartment. “I pushed him while walking at the park and he dragged me down with him. Use that genius brain of yours to put the pieces together.”

Yukio chuckled at hearing Rin’s grumbled words before casually waving Ryuuji inside. The brunette entered the apartment slowly, unsure of whether he could trust the younger twin but unwilling to stay outside as the temperature steadily declined. He stood awkwardly in the entrance way of the house with Yukio in front of him, the pair unmoving as they heard Rin bustle around the kitchen. 

“Oh, this is good!” Rin gasped as he left the kitchen with a spoon tucked in his mouth, box of tiramisu open in his hand. He immediately approached Yukio and scooped him a generous bite of the dessert before holding the spoon before his mouth. “Yuki, you gotta try this!”

“You were just eating with that spoon...why would you even offer that to me?” Yukio’s face scrunched up in distaste, but the look was quickly morphed into that of horror as Rin pushed the spoon closer. “Stop!”

“Not till you try it. It’s good!” Rin pressed as he widened his eyes and stuck out his bottom lip. “C’mon, Yukio. You like coffee. This tastes like an iced mocha.”

The younger twin rolled his eyes before reluctantly eating the proffered dessert. The satisfied hum he let out was proof enough that he enjoyed the treat, though he made no other sign of his appreciation. Rin offered his twin a cheeky grin before stepping closer to Ryuuji and repeating the gesture, head tilted just so and eyebrow quirked in challenge. The motion was playful enough that it drew a chuckle from Ryuuji as he leaned forward and took the spoon into his mouth, a pleasant sweetness breaking across his tongue like waves upon sand. “This was a good choice.”

“Definitely.” Rin agreed as he took another bite of his dessert. The pair would have continued to stand in the entrance way of the apartment sharing the tiramisu had Yukio not cleared his throat and offered them a slight quirk of his brow. 

“Not to be rude, but he can’t stay the night. As much as I trust both of you, I’m not supporting temptation.” Yukio’s words made the other teens blush in embarrassment. Ryuuji was the first to recover, offering Yukio a nod and hesitant expression as his eyes drifted from one twin to the other.

“Can I say goodbye without you standing guard?” The tone was teasing, though the unsurety was still prevalent. Rin unconsciously reached out to lock his fingers with Ryuuji’s own, lending strength in the casual touch. Yukio picked up on the motion easily and sighed before turning and disappearing down the hall. 

“Lock up when he leaves.” Yukio called over his shoulder as he disappeared into his own room. 

Rin and Ryuuji continued to stare down the hall and waited to see if Yukio would appear with another cryptic remark, but he remained elusive and unseen. Allowing themselves to relax, the teens faced each other with smiles that bordered on giddy. 

“Thanks for tonight, Bon. I really had fun.” Rin’s voice was barely above a whisper, the raven unwilling to break the stillness that surrounded them. Ryuuji seemed to share in his sentiments as he shifted closer to Rin, thumb running across his knuckles in reverence.

“I’m glad. I was kinda worried you wouldn’t enjoy yourself without Renzo and Miwa there as a buffer.” Ryuuji shrugged awkwardly before blinking as he felt Rin tug insistently on their conjoined fingers. 

The brunette went down easily, but the force of the move was greatly overestimated and he found himself smacking noses with the raven more than he liked to admit. The pair pulled back with similar hisses of pain, the likes of which quickly morphed into uncomfortable snorts of laughter as they tried to regain their bearings. 

“Oh my god, that was horrible.” Rin snickered into his hand, nose and cheeks red from pain and his own embarrassment with the situation. He dropped his hand a moment later and raised it to the similar bruising along Ryuuji’s cheeks. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I really thought I had that under control.”

Ryuuji chuckled as he grabbed Rin’s hand with his own, pulling it away with a gentle smile. “I’m fine, and it happens to the best of us. Let me try this time since I can actually use both hands.”

Rin nodded with wide eyes, allowing Ryuuji to cup his cheeks with both hands and ease him closer as the brunette’s head dipped low enough for their lips to brush. 

It was everything and nothing like Rin imagined. He had always pictured sparks shooting off in his head when he finally kissed the brunette, choirs singing hallelujah as cherubs danced on the clouds. 

But it was the complete opposite. 

It was hot, scalding, but tender in a way that left Rin’s head swimming on his shoulders. The tension in his body melted away under the heat that was Ryuuji’s lips, but just as quickly ignited something primal and acrid in the depths of his being. Rin reached up with his free hand, fingers tangling in Ryuuji’s mussed hair and locking the teen in place. 

He didn’t want this feeling to abate. He never wanted to move from the entrance way with Ryuuji pressed steady and pliant against his body. He wanted- God, he wanted- but just as quickly as the feelings rose, they crashed with a deafening roar that pulled Rin back to the present. 

His breathing was labored as his eyes locked with Ryuuji’s own, both their pupils blown wide as their breaths mingled into a fog of chocolate-tinted coffee and after-dinner mints. Ryuuji was the first to recover, hands slipping slowly- teasingly- from Rin’s cheeks to rest at his side. Rin felt the chill of the apartment invade the space as quickly as the hands disappeared, a shiver wracking his body as he fought down the urge to reach for Ryuuji again- to wrap his hands around the older teen and never let go. 

“I should go.” Ryuuji whispered into the space between them, voice soft with a slight rasp to the words that made Rin’s eyelids flutter.

_ No, _ he wanted to say. 

_ Stay, _ his mind practically begged. 

“Yeah.” Rin forced out instead, ignoring his body’s howls of displeasure as the brunette took a careful step back, letting warmth be replaced by cool air. The front door opened with a soft  _ whoosh _ , a gentle wind invading what was left of Ryuuji’s warmth and tugging it easily out into the night air. “Night, Bon. Text me when you get home.”

“I will.” Ryuuji offered Rin a parting smile before closing the door behind himself. 

Rin stayed in the entrance way long after Ryuuji’s departure. He moved only when the chill from his forgotten dessert became nonexistent and rushed to return it to the fridge to finish later. After rescuing what was left of the dessert, Rin made the short trek to his room and collapsed on his bed. 

The kiss lingered on the forefront of his mind and Rin itched to capture the moment in a photo. He sat up a moment later and reached for his camera, always resting on his bedside table when not in use. The raven was feeling adventurous as he left his room in search of matches and candles, finally finding a couple forgotten candlesticks in the back of the hallways closet and a matchbook in a kitchen drawer. Returning to his room, Rin set to work on creating the perfect scene that would encapsulate the feeling of Ryuuji’s kiss. 

Call him a romantic, but there was no way to describe the experience other than  _ fiery. _ Passionate. Rin rolled his eyes at his own thoughts as he arranged the candlesticks on his desk, using a bit of melted wax to hold the sticks upright as he didn’t know where any candle holders were. He carefully arranged them to his liking, adjusting the curtains blocking his window in the background before deeming the scene complete and striking a couple matches. They burned quickly between his fingers, but Rin was faster as he lit the candles and left the matchsticks resting on the carefully arranged candlesticks. 

His camera was already focused when he finally pulled it to his right eye and began to snap pictures of the masterpiece he had created. The wax was melting quickly, but that’s what Rin had hoped for. 

His and Ryuuji’s relationship wasn’t slow moving and stilted, it was fire and determination and unwavering characters that built upon each other only to crash and burn them both when they finally came together. It was the fury of youth mixed with the heat of indifference- they were lighters and gasoline and they burned so intense when air dispersed between them. 

Rin didn’t realize when he stopped taking pictures and just continued to stare at the burning candles and matchsticks, mind abuzz with the barrage of his own thoughts. 

One date….one date had reduced him to some overreaching, emotionally- fervent, heart-eyed, candy-tongued protagonist and he didn’t know how to feel about the change. 

On the one hand, the feelings swarming in his chest were new and exciting and like falling into a warm bath after a day of walking in the snow. On the other hand, he was terrified and frenzied and unable to focus on a single instance of the date that left him feeling one particular way or another. Everything between himself and Ryuuji seemed to have some ulterior motive.

Every caress was a connection and a short, from DC to AC, from skin to clothes, there was always a push and pull. To say that Rin both loved and hated the fact was an understatement. He just wanted to bask in the feelings as they came, not evaluate every instance their hands brushed or Ryuuji walked a little closer than normal at the park, but his mind had other plans. 

The candles had steadily burned into nothing, matchsticks now charred bits of wood that cracked and settled on the napkin he had placed on his desk. Rin sighed as he watched the remnants of his impromptu scene melt away into nothing, hoping- not for the first time- that his thoughts would follow their example. 

A derisive snort fell from the raven’s lips as he curled up on his bed and tucked his head between his knees. 

Hoping was for those that had something to hope for, but Rin knew better. 

There was nothing for people like him.

His dreams waxed forlorn. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuuji is the ship lost at sea and Rin is his lighthouse. Or is it the other way around?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I highkey gave up on this because the lack of response started to get to me and life started piling up. Whoops, darn me for being this way. But here's a second chapter and halfway through I realized there was going to be a third. With some luck, hopefully the third chapter will be the last chapter. Until then, enjoy peeps~

“Rin? Are you up yet?” Yukio yawned as he knocked on his twin’s door. There was a muted groan from inside the room that had the younger raven chuckling with a shake of his head. “Get up before you’re late.”

“I’m not going today.”

Yukio paused at Rin’s dismal tone. He eyed the door curiously before sighing and giving another soft knock. “I’m coming in. You better be dressed.”

Yukio slowly entered the room and squinted through the darkness. He could see the lump that was Rin’s body, sequestered in the center of his bed beneath the downy comforter. It was a wonder the older teen hadn’t kicked the blankets off in the middle of the night. Stepping into the room, Yukio allowed the door to close at his back. He stood awkwardly by the door for a moment, unsure of how to proceed, then began to carefully maneuver through the mess on the floor towards the bed.

“I thought I told you to clean your room Sunday…” Yukio mumbled as he stopped at the side of Rin’s bed and lowered himself to sit at his side. Rin barely moved beneath the blankets which Yukio took as a bad sign. With a sigh, the younger raven reached out towards his twin and rested a hand on (what he assumed was) Rin’s shoulder. “What’s wrong, Nii-san? You don’t usually skip class, at least not when I can stop you.”

Yukio chuckled at his poorly made joke, but the humor quickly died when he noticed Rin’s lack of response. Frowning at the prolonged silence, Yukio made a quick decision and shoved himself further on the bed. It took some maneuvering, but he was finally able to fit on the bed at Rin’s side. Reaching towards the top of the blanket, Yukio pulled it down enough to see Rin’s face. The younger raven’s worry grew when he took in the slight puffiness to Rin’s cheeks and the way he tried to burrow further into his pillow.

“Why do you always do this?” Rin muttered as he raised a hand and pressed it into Yukio’s face. The younger raven easily caught the appendage and pulled it away. Rin groaned at the diversion and tugged weakly at his trapped hand. “Let me go, Yukio. Just go to class.”

“Not till you tell me what’s wrong.” Yukio ordered with a slight glare. Rin huffed at Yukio’s stubbornness and gave another futile tug on his hand. Yukio rolled his eyes before releasing Rin’s hand and watching as he tugged himself further into the blankets with a hiss. “God, you’re always so dramatic…”

Rin’s hand suddenly appeared in Yukio’s face with the middle finger proudly aimed between his eyes. “Fuck you.”

“Rin-”

“I wanna sleep. Just let me sleep.” Rin whined as he tugged the blankets down and shot Yukio a pleading look. The younger raven observed Rin’s face carefully before giving a resigned sigh.

“Fine.” Yukio rolled out of Rin’s bed and stumbled his way back towards the door. After opening the door, he paused. Yukio turned to Rin with a small frown. “I just wanted to help, Rin. I know I don’t have much to offer when it comes to relationships-”

“Understatement.”

“ _But_ I can listen if you need me to.” Yukio finished with a softening glare. “I care about you, Rin. Don’t forget that, okay?”

Yukio left the room with his parting words. The click of the door in the jam echoed in the hallway, but Yukio paid it no mind. His thoughts were focused solely on Rin and he doubted they would wander far throughout the day. Leaning against the wall to the side of Rin’s door, the younger twin pulled off his glasses with a heavy sigh. His other hand rose to rub at his eyes a moment later. “I gave you one job, Ryuuji…”

But even with Yukio wanting to place the blame on the brunette, he knew it wasn't fair. Ryuuji had been nothing but a gentleman the night before, had been pleasant and amicable since his friendship with Rin began. Yukio couldn't imagine Ryuuji doing something to upset Rin in the ten minutes Yukio left them alone (he had gone to check the front door after he heard Rin’s door close and wasn't surprised to find it unlocked) and was frustratingly confused at the turn in his brother’s mood.

Yukio knew his brother, it wasn't so strange that something small had set off Rin’s quick temper, but the question of what had no plausible answer.

Ryuuji knew his boundaries, Yukio could attest to that, and Rin had his own, whatever they were, but maybe there was a conflict that Yukio had overlooked in his (dare he say?) excitement for Rin’s burgeoning relationship. But maybe…if Rin had been the one to push, could it have been too much?

Rin, as much as he liked to hide it, was exceedingly adept at reading situations. His mind was as analytical as Yukio’s own, though his focus was in that of the arts whereas Yukio specialized in that of science. It wasn't uncommon for the teen to lose himself in the vibrancy of his own imagination, and that could be the reason for his dismal mood. It was no secret that high school was a time for exploration and growth, and for Rin to finally join the throes of his fellow students in something as mundane as dating, the older raven could have already had an idea of how he expected the relationship to progress. Yukio managed a slight smile as he pondered on Rin’s idea of a perfect relationship, pondered the arguments that could be had, the dates he could arrange, the feelings that would blossom into something beautiful and new.

And it was this train of thought that made Yukio pause.

Rin was a tentative person. He wouldn't rush headfirst into anything with Ryuuji. The teen would analyze every instant the two were together, every brush of their hands, and every smile shared between them. He would lose himself in the motions, would get lost in a moment that felt unsure and hesitant, and would fall behind until he inevitably forced his mind to catch up with the newest situation in a string of many.

With another sigh, Yukio pushed away from the wall and replaced his glasses on his face. Worried as he might be, he wasn't going to risk his attendance for the sake of standing around and pondering on possible catalysts for Rin’s turn in mood.

No, he was going to be productive. And with that, Yukio strode back to his room to prepare for the day, thoughts swimming with concern for his brother and the best route to corner the school’s resident linebacker.

 

* * *

 

“Have you seen Rin?” Renzo looked up to see Shiemi standing to the side of his desk. It was his free period and he was spending the time doing homework, to the amusement of Konekomaru. The pinket shook his head with a slight frown.

“I haven’t seen him all day. What about you, Miwa?” Renzo turned curious eyes towards the shorter boy at his side. Konekomaru shook his head with a considering frown. Renzo’s own lips pulled further down at the disappearance of their resident photographer. “That’s weird...he wasn’t in Physics, but I just assumed he skipped. Has Bon seen him?”

Renzo turned his gaze to Shiemi and felt something uncomfortable settle in his stomach at the resigned shake of her head. “I asked him first, but he was already looking for him. He said he was going to look for Yukio when he finishes a lab he missed last week.”

“I’ll text him.” Konekomaru volunteered, phone already in hand and thumbs racing along the screen. Renzo smiled at the sight.

As much as Konekomaru liked to deny it, he cared a great deal for each of his friends, and Rin held a special place in his heart, in all of their hearts, actually. Ever since that first sleepover, the group of friends had been attentive to the point of near suffocation towards their raven-headed friend. Sure, they never went as far as physically pushing Rin away from the looks he occasionally got when walking through the halls, but that didn't stop them from sending every ally they had towards the emboldened few in the form of Bon and Renzo’s older brothers. The group made for an imposing sight and Rin had offhandedly noticed how the school seemed to finally be getting over their issues with him from middle school.

If only he knew.

‘ _Or maybe he shouldn't_ ’, Renzo thought to himself. There were other ways, more obvious ways, the group of friends doted on Rin that were probably a bit more acceptable to the raven. Like helping with his homework, or being a sounding board for when teachers were a pain and Yukio was too involved with a project to even pretend to be listening. Sometimes Konekomaru was there with a bit of rational advice to counteract Renzo’s own wildly impossible words of encouragement. Ryuuji was like the voice of reason that tied both their ideas together into something that could be put into action. It was a working dynamic that, while seemingly convoluted, worked well for the small group. It especially helped Rin, who- try as he might- was a surprisingly anxious individual, though he hid it well under his vibrant personality and thousand watt smiles.

It helped the raven to have a multitude of options (be they insane, inane, or inspirational) from a number of sources. Renzo thought it had less to do with their actual advice and more to do with Rin coming to terms with having a group of friends that cared enough about him to try. It was this reasoning that made Renzo’s ‘advice’ skyrocket to epic proportions, Konekomaru’s advice made its own adjustments to fit the pinket’s ramblings, and Ryuuji still somehow found a way to make both sides plausible in a single, concise plan of action.

Together, they formed a present day Modest Proposal. Jonathan Swift would be proud.

“He said he’s not feeling well.” Konekomaru spoke after a few moments of silence. Renzo blinked as he finally pulled from his thoughts and tilted his head at Konekomaru’s disbelieving tone. He leaned closer to the shorter boy to see the string of messages shared between him and Rin.

“You don’t believe him?” Renzo questioned, eyes trained on the dots that signified Rin typing out a response. A message finally popped up asking Konekomaru to collect that day’s assignments for him to do later. The request was so uncharacteristic of Rin that Renzo felt his own skepticism grow.

“Not really...Rin doesn’t usually get sick. There’s always that one really bad cold he gets in the middle of the year, but he got over that a few weeks ago.” Konekomaru’s thumbs hovered over the keyboard as he debated on how best to respond. The shorter teen bit his lip as he finally rested his phone on his open textbook. “This is weird, even for him.”

“Do you think he’s alright?” Shiemi leaned over the two boys to get a better look at Konekomaru’s phone, her eyebrows scrunched together in concern. “He was fine yesterday...if a bit distracted.”

“How so?” Renzo questioned as he turned in his chair to give Shiemi a questioning look. The girl shrugged as she prodded at her bottom lip.

“He couldn’t seem to sit still in the yearbook meeting. He also kept checking his watch. I think he had a meeting to go to later that day.” Shiemi’s lips pulled down into a considering frown. “Maybe Yukio would know, but I haven’t seen him much either. I asked Ms.Shura if she’s seen him, but she said he’s been locked in labs all day.”

Renzo sat back in his chair with a huff. The mystery continued to evolve, though a few new pieces had been added to the puzzle. Rin’s elusiveness was connected to something that had happened the previous night, but what could it be?

Renzo ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. He needed to think: what would be serious enough to make Rin suddenly disappear?

There were only a few things that came to mind that could be cause for concern: his portfolio, Amaimon, Yukio, and Ryuuji.

The pinket knew the teen had his portfolio under four separate locks and keys so there were no worries there. Amaimon was also tossed aside as a probable concern, if only because he and his family had moved across the country the previous year for his brother’s new job. From Shiemi’s description, it sounded like Yukio was still his golden self, so Renzo tossed him aside as well. That left Ryuuji….but what could he have done to make Rin shut himself away so completely?

It was no secret to Renzo and Konekomaru that Ryuuji was head over heels for the photographer, his freakout a week prior was proof enough of that, but from what they had seen, Ryuuji had yet to make a move.

Unless…

“Hey, Shiemi?” Renzo questioned as he sat up, a hint of clarity entering his eyes. “You said you saw Bon today?” The blond gave a hesitant nod, and Renzo hummed as he began to gather up his books. “Where’s the last place you saw him?”

“Second floor near the Chemistry labs.” Shiemi spoke slowly as Renzo stood and tossed his bookbag over his shoulder.

“Thanks. I’m gonna go do some detective work. Be on standby until further notice.” Renzo whispered conspiratorially as he placed his pointer finger before his lips and winked at Shiemi. The girl giggled and Konekomaru rolled his eyes.

Renzo left the pair with a parting wave and promise to text them if he found any new information. His destination was the second floor, but with the bell ringing halfway there, the trip took longer than the pinket would have initially liked. He could only hope Ryuuji was still in the lab when he got there, especially since he was risking detention just to get some much needed answers. When the pinket finally reached the labs, he was surprised to see Ryuuji leaning against a work station with Yukio standing before him, the raven’s arms crossed over his chest and lips set in a thin line.

Renzo decided to wait and see how the situation would play out. No point in invading what seemed to be an intense conversation, after all.

 

* * *

 

Ryuuji didn’t know how he ended up in this situation. One minute, he was making up a missed lab, the next, he was pulled away from the festering bacteria by a stoically silent Yukio. The raven tugged him towards the opposite end of the classroom before releasing him near the smattering of desks by the window. “What did you do? He won’t leave his room, he wouldn't get up this morning, and he won’t talk to me. He always talks to me!”

“Yukio, calm down. I didn’t do anything.” Ryuuji tried to calm the hysterical raven. It wasn't often that Ryuuji saw the teen in such a state, that anyone other than Rin saw him as anything less than poised and controlled in every situation, but now…Yukio looked like he was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Ryuuji knew the twins were close, what with their already small family being limited to two, but he didn't realize the extent of it until that moment. It was easy to see how Rin’s attitude was affecting the teen before him, and Ryuuji’s concern for the Okumura twins grew. Yukio appeared frazzled, more so than usual, and his lips were raw from where he had bitten through the skin from his nerves. His glasses were also askew with a strange smudge at the inner corner of each of the lenses in the shape of a finger. “Tell me what happened.” Ryuuji finally sighed.

Yukio took a deep breath as he gathered up his nerves and began to recount the events of that morning, from Rin’s dismal mood to his closing outburst. Ryuuji listened patiently, nodding where it was necessary and letting the younger twin vent.

“He’s never _like_ this. Well, he _is_ , but I haven’t seen him like this in so long I just…” Yukio released a tired sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. Some of the strands stuck up in a chaotic array, but Yukio ignored them as he continued to stalk the length of the classroom. “I never wanted to see this side of him again and it’s back the day after your date, so I’m going to ask you again, what did you do?”

Ryuuji’s eyes slid closed as he let out a resigned sigh. “All we did was kiss.”

“Ew. Continue.” Yukio’s face portrayed his disgust at the thought of his brother’s love life, but his tone remained unchanged from its business-like quality.

Ryuuji rolled his eyes at the raven’s antics before continuing with a shrug. “And that’s it. We kissed. I went home. I texted him when I got back and he sent back a picture he took.”

“Picture?” Yukio questioned with a quirk of his brow. Ryuuji rolled his eyes at the teen’s not-so-subtle way of asking to see the message. With a flick of his wrist, Ryuuji pulled his phone from his pocket and unlocked the device. Yukio stood by silently as Ryuuji went to the string of messages between himself and Rin and finally pulled up the picture.

“I thought it was kinda weird considering his usual vibe when it comes to pictures, but it’s still not bad.” Ryuuji explained as he turned his phone for Yukio to peruse. The raven blinked at the setup of candles and matches, something worrisome twisting in his gut at the sight. “He wouldn’t really explain the point of it, so I just figured it was something personal and let it be.”

“We got those candles as a gift from the monastery when our father passed.” Yukio explained as he pulled away from Ryuuji’s phone and brought his hand to his chin. There was something distant in the raven’s eyes that held Ryuuji’s tongue from begging for answers. “We never used them unless as decorations of some sort. There were so many candles we didn't know what to do with them otherwise. Rin…after our father passed Rin would use the candles in a few of his pictures. He never lit them because he wanted them to last, but he would always find a way to include them in the scene, even if they stuck out like a sore thumb.”

Ryuuji was silent as he digested this information. Yukio appeared lost in the past, his eyes still fogged over in memories of a time when things weren't simple and life was a losing game.

“There was one picture…” Yukio’s voice trailed off as his eyes slid closed. The raven bit his lip as he recalled the image in startling clarity, “There was another time Rin took a picture with the candles burning, but…”

Yukio shook his head. “Whatever happened last night shook him up…I believe you, honestly I do, but the way he’s acting leaves much to be desired.”

“I’ve tried to text him today, but he won’t respond to anything…” Ryuuji said after a few minutes of silence. Yukio’s brows furrowed as he finally focused on the brunette. His eyes were averted towards the window, arms crossed protectively over his chest, but there was a tenseness to his jaw that belied his irritation with the situation. “I figured he was mad about something I might’ve done last night, but I can’t figure out what it is.”

Yukio deflated at Ryuuji’s defeated tone. He couldn’t blame the brunette for the way his brother was acting, no matter how much he wanted to. Stepping closer to Ryuuji, Yukio leaned against the desks at his side. “I doubt it was something you did. I’ve got my own theories about why he’s holed himself up in his room, and you’re probably the least likely source among them.”

“I think it was a culmination of everything. Your date was rushed, for lack of a better word, and before you get up in arms about the week you spent planning the day, I don’t mean it was rushed on your part.” Yukio explained with a sigh. “You as well as I know Rin’s reputation at this school. Is it so hard to believe that last night was a bit much for him to handle? It was only recently that he reconnected his friendship with Renzo and Shiemi, gaining you and Konekomaru along the way. I believe he’s still processing everything and last night was when it all settled.”

“And the...kiss...probably didn’t help the situation.” Yukio ended with a side-glance at the brunette. Ryuuji was watching him carefully, processing his words with that thousand-watt brain. Yukio felt his lips quirk up against his wishes. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure Rin enjoyed it, but considering his personality, I doubt it helped.”

“You’re right.” Ryuuji sighed as he let his eyes slide closed and his head fall back. Yukio watched the teen curiously. The brunette was usually so well put together and the fact that Rin could lower him to this unsure state was fascinating. It was like watching mice run through a maze, searching endless loops for a piece of cheese and finding themselves caught by every obstacle along the way.

But Yukio knew, that just like the mice, Ryuuji would find his way given enough time.

“I don’t usually condone skipping or leaving work unattended, but I feel like the sooner you talk to Rin the better.” Yukio pressed with a slight tilt of his head. Ryuuji’s head slowly lolled in his direction, a single brow quirked in question. Yukio sniffed at the look before turning away with a cough. “I’ll cover for you, if that’s a better incentive. I’d just hate for Rin to spend the entire day in bed and complain about not being able to sleep tonight.”

“You didn’t have to offer, but thanks anyway.” Ryuuji smiled at the raven, his shoulders relaxing minutely as Yukio shot him a look. Ryuuji quickly sobered his expression and gave Yukio a definitive nod. “I’ll talk to him, nothing more.”

“You better. Now get going before your teacher comes back and ruins everything.” Yukio ordered with a slight glare. Ryuuji rolled his eyes at the raven before moving to gather up his notebooks and bag. He shot his experiment a look of irritation. He would have to make it up later, whenever later was.

With a sigh, Ryuuji turned and headed for the door. Before he could completely exit the room, there was an exaggerated cough at his back. Ryuuji turned to shoot Yukio a questioning look and flushed at seeing the raven holding a key between his thumb and pointer finger. “I think you’ll need this. Put it under the mat so I can get in when school ends.”

“Okay.” Ryuuji nodded as he strode back across the classroom to grab the key and tucked it in his pocket. The walk out of the classroom was weighted with Yukio’s gaze on his back and the slight scratch of the key against his thigh.

Ryuuji expected the feeling to abate with the closing of the door, but another rush of anxiousness coursed through his veins when he saw Renzo leaning against the wall to the side of the classroom. The pinket was sending him an unimpressed look, arms crossed over his chest and legs crossed at the ankles. He was the typical picture of an uncaring teenager, but Ryuuji knew better.

“How much did you hear?” The brunette sighed as he moved away from the door so Yukio wouldn’t hear the coming conversation.

Renzo shrugged as he let his arms fall to his side. “Enough. Want to tell me why Miwa and I never heard about your date with Rin?”

Renzo’s tone was accusing with an undertone of hurt that Ryuuji had hoped to avoid. With a sigh, the brunette moved to lean against the wall at Renzo’s side. He tried to hide his own hurt when the pinket shifted away from him, but the tight set of his jaw was easy enough for Renzo to notice.

“I’m sorry…” Ryuuji began, eyes firmly set on Renzo’s expression, or the parts he could see. The pinket refused to look at him which Ryuuji could understand. The trio told each other everything, and for something this significant to escape the knowledge of Renzo and Konekomaru was nearly unforgivable. Ryuuji hoped he could salvage the situation before Yukio took notice of their presence in the hallway. “I didn’t want anyone to know. Konekomaru is shit at keeping secrets from anyone, especially Rin, and I didn’t want to tell you without getting an okay from Rin. You know how he is, Ren. I planned on telling you guys after a few dates, after making sure this was something that we both wanted, because I didn’t want this to fall apart and the both of you to get caught in the middle of it.”

“We’re not kids, Bon. We know how to handle situations like adults.” Renzo snapped at the brunette, his gaze like ice as he pinned Ryuuji with his stare alone. “And I wouldn’t have been so angry, had you not lied to Kono and me about it. We’ve been asking you about this for a _week_ and you gave us nothing, man. Like...that’s really shitty, Bon.”

Renzo deflated against the wall, his anger having depleted itself as quickly as it rose. Ryuuji frowned at the pinket’s words, but didn’t argue against them.

“I’m sorry, Renzo.” There must have been something in Ryuuji’s tone that pulled at the pinket because he suddenly sighed and shot Ryuuji a small smile.

“I feel like I’m more angry that I can’t stay mad at you.” Renzo chuckled at his own turn of thoughts before waving a hand in Ryuuji’s direction. “Go talk to him. He’s more important than me right now.”

Renzo expected Ryuuji to rush away after his declaration, but was pleasantly surprised when the brunette pulled him into a quick embrace. “I promise I’ll call you tonight and tell you everything.”

“You better buy me ice-cream this weekend, too. I deserve it for putting up with your stupid, smart ass.” Renzo ordered as he returned the embrace, though not as desperately as Ryuuji and his monstrous linebacker strength. The brunette pulled away a few moments later with a rare grin.

“Bet.” Renzo rolled his eyes at Ryuuji’s utterance and gave him a shove towards the opposite end of the hallway.

“Good now _go_. You’ve wasted enough time already.” Renzo watched Ryuuji go with a fond smile. As much as the brunette frustrated him with his actions, he couldn’t stay mad at Ryuuji. There was reason in everything Ryuuji had done thus far, and Renzo was anticipating the call the pair- no, the trio, because there was no way Renzo was letting Konekomaru stay in the dark- would have later that night.

With a secretive smile, Renzo turned towards the door at his back and debated on bothering the school’s resident genius. He finally acted on his mind’s whims and strode into the room with a flourish. Yukio’s wide-eyed stare was enough to distract Renzo from thoughts of Rin and Ryuuji, at least for the moment.

“Yukio, I’ve got some homework that I need help with~”

 

* * *

 

Ryuuji cut the motor on his bike a block from Rin’s apartment and walked the rest of the way. There was no point in alerting the raven to his approach and giving him time to make up a lie or barricade himself inside. Ryuuji reached the apartment after a short walk and locked his bike in place before approaching the apartment. He eyed the key Yukio gave him and used it to unlock the door. He barely remembered to set it under the mat in front of the apartment before entering the silent home and closing the door at his back.

It was dark in the entrance way, a direct contrast to the previous night when seemingly every light had been lit and Yukio had waited like a paranoid parent at the kitchen table. Ryuuji stepped carefully through the apartment, settling his backpack in a chair at the kitchen table as he walked down the short hallway and stopped at the door he knew to be Rin’s. There was no light coming from beneath the door, so Ryuuji assumed the raven was asleep.

Before he could confirm his assumption, the door was pulled open and a rumpled Rin walked face-first into his chest. The raven stumbled back with a slight whine and stared up at Ryuuji with bleary eyes. They gained a hint of clarity a moment later, but that was quickly overrun with confusion.

“Bon?” Rin’s voice was raspy from the lack of use. “What are you doing here?”

Ryuuji wanted to respond, honest he did, but there was something so overwhelmingly intriguing about seeing Rin in this light- wearing an oversized t-shirt and a pair of baggy sweats that had seen better days. The ruffled appearance of his hair shouldn’t have been as appealing as it was, but Ryuuji fould himself enthralled with this side of the raven and counted himself blessed that he got to witness it without Yukio there to distract him.

“Bon? You in there?” Rin smiled teasingly as he waved a hand in the brunette’s face. Ryuuji jerked back at the action before blinking through his own thoughts and focusing on the amused teen. “Welcome back to earth.”

“Hey…” Ryuuji responded lamely, earning a roll of the eyes from Rin.

“As much as I enjoy this conversation, I really need to use the bathroom so just...stay here, I guess.” Rin shrugged his shoulders as he walked the short distance to the bathroom and closed the door. Ryuuji stared after him a few moments before kicking himself into action and turning to return to the living room.

He felt awkward being in the apartment without Yukio there as a buffer between himself and Rin- which was a strange thought in and of itself. He was usually never this unsure around the raven, but something about seeing Rin after the date- after the kiss, and the picture, and Rin’s recent ‘personal day’ from classes- made something relentless flutter in Ryuuji’s gut. It was unrelenting and uncomfortable, but Ryuuji wouldn’t trade it for anything, if only because he was finally able to see the teen again, even if he was barely awake and acting so differently to how Ryuuji imagined he would.

“You look constipated.” Ryuuji was pulled from his thoughts by the amused chuckle emanating from Rin. The raven was leaned casually against the entrance to the living room, his arms crossed loosely over his chest and hair falling in his eyes. “Any particular reason or did Renzo steal your football again?”

“Would you believe me if I said your brother caused it?” Ryuuji joked and was met with a gentle chuckle from the raven.

“Not really. Yukio’s a big softie at heart. Unless it has something to do with school, then he’s pretty brutal.” Rin strode further into the room and fell onto the opposite end of the couch.

Ryuuji watched him with a slight smile. It was hard to connect Yukio’s theories with the teen before him. Rin appeared chipper, if a bit sluggish, and Ryuuji wanted to believe everything was alright. He hoped Yukio was wrong, but the glasses-wearing raven being wrong about anything was nigh impossible.

“Hey, you okay?” Rin’s question pulled Ryuuji from his thoughts. The brunette blinked at the raven, finding himself lost in endless blue eyes that swam with concern. If only Rin knew how far Ryuuji would go to keep those eyes bright and clear.

“Are _you_?” Ryuuji questioned instead of speaking the endless compliments that ran through his head. Rin’s head tilted at the slight accusation in Ryuuji’s tone. The brunette watched as Rin adjusted himself on the opposite end of the couch, his legs now working as a cushion for his chin. Dark hair fell into Rin’s eyes as he watched Ryuuji carefully.

“Why do you ask?” Rin pressed softly. Ryuuji felt his resolve crumble slightly under the placating tone of the raven, but held firm.

“You weren’t at school today.”

“I wasn’t feeling good.”

“Bullshit.”

There was an uncomfortable silence, broken only by the sound of the air conditioning turning on. Rin tilted his head enough for his bangs to sweep along his forehead. “And who are you to tell me how I feel?”

“I’m not telling you anything. I just refuse to believe a lie.” Ryuuji spoke as carefully as he could, slowly reigning in his own anger and confusion. The two emotions warred aggressively in his gut as he watched Rin divert his gaze towards the blank TV screen. The raven seemed unwilling to offer a rebuttal, so Ryuuji continued in a surer tone. “You haven’t texted me today.”

“I’ve been asleep. Sorry.” Rin’s blaze tone belied his apologetic words and Ryuuji took a deep breath to center himself.

This wasn’t working like he hoped. The conversation was stilted and uncomfortable in a way that Ryuuji hadn’t felt since he asked the raven to go on a date. Thinking back on that day almost had a smile rising on Ryuuji’s lips, but he stubbornly forced it down. Now wasn’t the time to reminisce on better times (Ryuuji did his best to forget how those good times had been less than twelve hours ago), now was the time to get some much needed answers. Rin wasn’t the type to spread personal details about his life easily. It was only after a solid week of building their friendship that Ryuuji realized that the heart-to-heart at the sleepover was out of character for the blue-eyed photographer.

The raven was usually tight-lipped to the point of concern. Ryuuji’s thoughts drifted to the night before when, after placing their order at the restaurant, Rin had been unable to speak in the wake of his embarrassment at Ryuuji’s teasing. The brunette had initially brushed the situation off as a funny happenstance, it wasn’t often that Ryuuji was the one on this end of the teasing- with Renzo as a friend, it was more often that he was the butt of most jokes- and he planned on taking full advantage of it, until it wasn’t fun anymore.

Rin’s attitude hadn’t changed much after that point, but there was a certain hesitance in the way he proceeded from then on. Ryuuji thought it was just Rin being his usual cautious self, but after an hour of watching the raven think through every action before (and after) it happened, he began to think otherwise. What had initially been a moment of playfulness had quickly morphed into something concerning. He only wished he had noticed it sooner.

Ryuuji didn’t want to believe he could be the cause of something like that, but- looking at Rin now- he couldn’t deny that something significant had taken place and he had been the catalyst. Or at least contributed to the avalanche that was suffocating the raven opposite him on the couch.

“Rin…” Ryuuji’s tone was hesitant, eyes finally settling on the raven haired teen and watching as too blue eyes connected with his own. They were dull and Ryuuji hated it. “I don’t care if you never want to talk to me after today, but I just….talk to me now. Honestly. I can’t read you like I want to and I know something is wrong. Everyone is worried about you and I know it had to be something I did, but I don’t know what…”

Ryuuji’s voice trailed off as he felt the emotions clog his throat. He didn’t know how people could do this….could care for someone to the point that it hurt to speak. Ryuuji wanted it to stop, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. If...whatever existed between him and Rin was to end, then it would be by the raven’s choice. Ryuuji, as much as it terrified him to admit it, was smitten with the blue-eyed raven, and he didn’t know if he could let Rin go of his own volition.

He just needed Rin to say the words they both knew to be true and he would walk away. He would tell Yukio to take solace in the fact that Ryuuji wouldn’t change. He couldn’t do that to Rin, even out of spite.

"You didn’t do anything.” Rin’s soft voice pulled Ryuuji from his cycling thoughts and the brunette’s brows furrowed as he focused on the raven. Rin had curled further into himself during Ryuuji’s lapse in focus, and the brunette noticed the nervous ticks that Rin was prone to exercising in class: the repetitive tap of his nails against his bent knees and his eyes unable to keep still as they darted along the empty expanse of couch between them. “You’ve never done anything wrong and that’s the problem.”

It was then that Ryuuji knew this conversation would not end with something as simple as a verbal reconciliation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now that you're all caught up, let us all bask in the fact that I will disappear again for an unspoken length of time until I decide to come back and breathe life into this fic~ it's been swell~ leave a kudos or comment as you click away~ :3


	3. August Burns Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's the difference between wax and ash? One blows away in the wind, the other lingers with memories of what used to be. Maybe Ryuuji and Rin can find themselves somewhere in the middle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I. AM. BACK. YOOOO, WHERE MY BLUE EXORCIST FANS AT?! Okay, but faux-hype speech aside, I hope all is well to the people that somehow lasted through my mega-pause~ and welcome to those new, curious readers who stumbled upon this and were lucky enough to catch this thing in it's completion~ :3 you are all welcome and I'm glad we're together~ let's go on this fun journey as one~ But yes, apologies for leaving this for so long, but I lost like all inspiration and finally hammered this out in the midst of emotional turmoil, so now we're back! And yes, this is it, y'all~ the closer~ the ending you've all been waiting for~ hopefully it lives up to your expectations~ But, with my rambling aside, I shall let you all go forth and enjoy this long awaited installment~ :3 thanks for sticking with me peeps~ I hope you enjoy~

Ryuuji tried to wait out the silence. He tried to give Rin time to explain himself, to explain the cryptic words that drew up more questions than answers. But he was a man of action, which is why he felt no remorse when he shifted that much closer, “Most people wouldn’t consider that a problem…”

“Well, you’re not dating ‘most people’ are you?” Rin snarked, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. Ryuuji fell silent. He waited, watched as Rin raised a hand to his bangs and shoved them back. It was then that he realized the raven wasn’t wearing the hair clip Ryuuji had bought for him a few days after the sleepover.

It wasn’t that Ryuuji thought the sudden disappearance of the clip was startling- though, he would admit that Rin seemed to have the curled piece of metal holding back his hair more often than not- but the frustration that entered Rin’s gaze as he fiddled with his bangs was uncommon. They were a problem that he refused to handle, but that could be said about many facets of the raven’s life. Ryuuji sighed as he reached into his pocket and extracted an extra hair tie. “Here. You’ll go bald at this rate.”

Rin blinked at the proffered elastic and took it with a muttered ‘Thank you’. Ryuuji watched him tie his hair back with a simplistic grace. It was a description that few would apply to Rin, especially with something as mundane as twisting a piece of elastic around his hair, but Ryuuji had learned to appreciate the little things in life. At least when it came to Rin.

“Yukio gave you his key?” Rin questioned once his hair was pulled into a small bun at the crown of his head. Ryuuji managed a smile at the sight. He gave a silent nod. Rin sighed as he leaned back into the arm of the couch. “He’s such a mom…”

“That’s kind of ironic coming from you, isn’t it?” Ryuuji teased with a slight tilt of his head. He wanted to bite back the words as soon as they left his mouth, but the damage had already been done. Instead of exploding as Rin was wont to do, the raven let out a peal of startled laughter.

“I guess so.” Rin continued to chuckle from behind his bent knees, head dipped low so his forehead could rest on his legs. As the laughter dragged on, more hollow than humorous, Ryuuji grew nervous. He shifted closer when Rin abruptly choked, arms tightening around his legs. “He’s not wrong, though, is he? Can’t trust me with myself. I might fuck something else up.”

“Rin…” Ryuuji uttered with a soft sigh. He shifted closer to the raven, Rin’s feet resting against the side of his thigh. He was slow as he extended a hand towards the raven, fingers barely brushing Rin’s arms before growing surer as the teen didn’t push him away. With slow movements, Ryuuji shifted until one of his legs was curled on the couch before him, his other arm rising to ease Rin’s fingers from the suffocating grip he had on the material of his sweats. With Rin’s arms out of the way, Ryuuji rested a hand on Rin’s head, avoiding the small bun, and rubbed soothing circles with his thumb. “Look at me, Rin.”

It took a few moments, but soon Rin’s head was rising to reveal the tears that had smudged the upper portion of his face. His eyes were rimmed in red from where he had tried to wipe the evidence into his sweats, cheeks a soft pink from the rough treatment. Ryuuji, against his better judgement, smiled as he continued to run his fingers through Rin’s hair. “I should probably feel bad for thinking you look cute, even like this.”

“Can you...not say that kinda stuff?” Rin’s lips pulled down in a conflicted frown, his eyes now averted towards the couch. Ryuuji blinked at the request and leaned down until he was in Rin’s line of sight.

“Define ‘that kind of stuff’.” Ryuuji had a vague idea of what the raven meant: compliments. It was no secret that Rin received very few thanks to his grades and standoffish nature, but it was these attributes that made Ryuuji strive to delve them out as often as possible. Most of them were mixed into regular conversation, easy to brush off as a simple observation more than a direct compliment. It was only during their date that Ryuuji was emboldened in his silent quest.

An exchange of ‘cute’ at the sight of Rin practically decimating a burger would soon be followed by compliments to his eyes, his nose, the way his cheeks would flush at every compliment Ryuuji dropped upon his head. Of course, Rin had been adamant about Ryuuji stopping with these careless words the night before, but Ryuuji was stubborn.

He had to be if he was dating someone as complicated as Rin.

“Being nice like that...it’s weird and just….stop.” Rin mumbled, chin now resting on his knees.

Ryuuji tilted his head as he considered the words, ran them over in his head before offering the raven a small smile. “I don’t think I will.”

“Figures…” Rin grumbled into his knees, too low for Ryuuji to hear. The brunette continued to watch the raven, fingers still tangled in Rin’s hair while his other arm rested along the back of the couch.

“You’re not a fuck up.” Ryuuji said after realizing Rin wasn’t in the mood to continue the conversation. He was met with a pair of disbelieving eyes, wide and innocent and rimmed in red. It was a look that Ryuuji would forever associate with ‘Rin’ and he had no qualms about the determined angle of this thoughts.

He was a man (teen) that knew what he wanted, and Rin would soon figure out that there was little he could do to sway Ryuuji away from his chosen path.

“You barely know me.” Rin retorted with a slight click of his tongue.

“Which is why I asked you out.” Ryuuji replied plaintively. If Rin was going to be short, then he could play that game as well.

The raven released an aggravated groan as he ducked away from Ryuuji’s probing fingers. “Why can’t you let me sulk in _peace_?”

Ryuuji quirked a brow at the sudden change in Rin’s temperament. While it was probably a step in the wrong direction in terms of getting to the core of whatever issues Rin had, it was progress nonetheless.

“Because you've gotten comfortable being miserable by yourself and dating someone means sharing at least some of that with your partner.” Ryuuji explained as carefully as he could. Of course, he was no expert. His parents marriage had been his only point of reference and his father wasn't always this glowing image of devotion, but there was a time where he remembered late night talks over candlelight. He remembered softly whispered words as they went to bed, silent tears as the pressure of life weighed on one, was quickly lifted by the other. Love was an exchange and Rin needed to understand that. “And I’m not just saying that for my sake. Hell, even Yukio has tried, Rin. That's why he sent me here.”

The raven sniffed as he pressed his nose to his knees. Ryuuji allowed him that bit of comfort. Silence surrounded them again, now less weighted but with bated breath. They were on the precipice of something, but Ryuuji didn't know if it would be their downfall or their salvation.

“I don't want Yukio to worry…I've never wanted him to…he's out there looking at all these Ivy League colleges but I know him. I know he won't go anywhere if there's no guarantee that I'll make it through a smaller college somewhere.” Rin’s voice was hesitant, comparable to a whisper as he spoke. Ryuuji listened attentively. He shifted closer in hopes of offering comfort, and breathed a minute sigh of relief when Rin didn’t immediately pull away. “I hate that he's this devoted to me but I can't change it…I know I'd do the same for him if I was half as smart. I guess that's why I tried so hard with my portfolio. Not because I care about where _I_ go, but because I want the best for him.” Rin’s eyes crinkled as his lips lifted in a deprecating smile. “And I'm not it.”

“Rin-” Ryuuji began, but was promptly silence as Rin continued as though he hadn't interrupted.

“And now you're here and doing the same thing.” Rin paused, eyes meeting Ryuuji’s over the jut of his knees. The brunette huffed at the raven’s determination, stubborn as it may be. “If that isn’t proof enough of me being a fuck up then I don’t know what is.”

Ryuuji didn’t respond immediately, wanting to build his case before presenting it. Rin seemed to have his mind set on this stubborn ideal of being unworthy of something good in life, and Ryuuji knew any hapless hoping or unfounded beliefs would fall at the slightest resistance.

Rin needed something solid. He needed commitment and assurance beyond words and appeals.

“Then maybe you need a change of perspective.” Ryuuji sighed, his lips quirking slightly in the ghost of a smile. “Imagine if your dad had lived. You would've had somebody telling you everyday how much they loved you and wanted the best for you. Rin, in his eyes you could do no wrong.” Ryuuji paused as he saw a spark of consideration lighten Rin’s eyes. He plowed on when he was sure he had the raven’s full attention. “Even when you fail a test or a quiz, Yukio never places the blame on you. If anything, he probably blames himself for not being around to help.”

“Renzo practically considers you a brother and Miwa can actually talk to you without pulling into himself. It takes a lot for either of them to get this close to people, but they chose you. And no, it wasn’t as some form of pity.” Ryuuji narrowed his eyes as he noticed Rin preparing a rebuttal. The raven promptly closed his mouth and settled back behind his knees. Ryuuji’s gaze softened. “And now you’ve got me...and even if you think you're a fuck up…I'm not leaving. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I stayed only for the good stuff?”

“You consider one kiss ‘good stuff’?” Rin uttered in disbelief. Ryuuji shook his head amusedly as he shifted closer to the raven.

“I was thinking more about all those conversations we have at night. Or that walk through the park. Or the sleepovers and study dates and-”

“I get it!” Rin squeaked as he reached out to place a hand over Ryuuji’s smiling lips. The brunette chuckled beneath his palm and Rin’s flush deepened at the brush of air against his skin. “If I move my hand, promise not to keep talking?”

Ryuuji’s eyes wandered in thought before meeting Rin’s own. He brunette shrugged unabashedly. Rin sighed and removed his hand. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“Hopefully keep me around.” Ryuuji shrugged. He continued to watch Rin with a hawk-like countenance. A thought struck him, “Have you eaten today?”

Rin’s cheeks darkened even further at the question and Ryuuji sighed as he stood and made the short walk to the kitchen. He began digging through cabinets in search of something simple and quick. He finally settled on spaghetti after stumbling upon a box of noodles and a jar of unopened sauce. He couldn't help smiling as he went in search of a pot, wondering on the reason for a jar of premade sauce instead of the ingredients necessary for a homemade sauce. He figured Yukio has bought it as a show of independence. He had just found a pot and lugged it to the sink when Rin’s voice broke through his reverie.

“What are you smiling about?” The rush of water from the faucet concealed Rin’s approaching steps and Ryuuji turned with slightly widened eyes. The raven had his brows quirked in challenge, arms crossed over his chest.

“Just thinking about your brother.” Ryuuji replied as he hurriedly cut off the water and moved the pot to the stove. He missed the way Rin’s eyes lingered on his exposed forearms during the slight movement. “I figured he bought the sauce. You're more likely to make it from scratch.”

“You're not wrong.” Rin smiled as he drifted further into the kitchen. He leaned against the counter at Ryuuji’s side and grabbed the jar. His eyes lingered on the ingredients list with a considering pout. “At least he got something organic.”

“Hey,” Ryuuji began as he dumped more noodles than were necessary into the pot. “So, I know you said Yukio probably worries about you a lot, but I guarantee you do the same with him.”

“No way. Feelings are gross.” Rin smirked as he settled the jar back on the counter.

“And you two are just gross enough to care about each other.” Ryuuji smirked at the raven. His gaze softened a moment later. “I'm serious, though. I've been over here enough to see how you act with him. You might not notice because you're just _so_ involved with yourself,” Ryuuji winced through a smirk as Rin elbowed him in the side, “but you do a lot for him.”

“Like burdening him with my inability to understand Chemistry and Calculus?” Rin smiled deprecatingly at the brunette.

“Like making him eat when he needs to, making sure he sleeps, and acting as a sounding board when his too big brain presents a new puzzle for him to solve.” Ryuuji explained.

Rin blinked dumbly at his words before snorting. Ryuuji let his gaze drift back to the stove and stirred the noodles as the water began to bubble. He felt a weight on his side and looked down to see Rin leaning his head on his shoulder.

“It doesn't feel like enough.” Rin mumbled.

Ryuuji smiled as he loosened the arm trapped at his side and wrapped it around Rin’s shoulders. “I don't think it ever will. Both of you rely on each other for different things and that's okay.” Ryuuji paused as he glanced down at the raven. Rin was staring up at him in wonder, eyes bright. “But what's not okay is pushing him away because he's worried about you.”

“I don't mean to.” Rin sighed as he dropped his gaze and pressed his forehead further into Ryuuji’s shoulder. “I guess…I just got used to handling certain things on my own…and I know Yukio would go to the ends of the earth for me, but this felt like something he wouldn't understand, ya know?”

Ryuuji nodded as he lowered the temperature of the stove. His gaze darted around the kitchen in search of a pan. He slowly disentangled himself from Rin when he noticed one resting in the drying rack by the sink.

“That and he's still pining over Renzo, so who is he to offer relationship advice to _anybody_.” Ryuuji nearly dropped the pan. He quickly righted his hold on the handle and turned to the raven with disbelieving eyes. Rin seemed to understand his shock as he fixed Ryuuji with a quirked brow and a smirk. “You really can't tell?”

“Just… _Renzo_?” Ryuuji stressed as he returned to the stove and set the pan on an empty eye. He reached for the forgotten jar as Rin giggled.

“You'd be surprised.” Rin hummed as he settled back into Ryuuji’s side. “I think it started after that thing with Amaimon. Renzo kinda stuck around and Yukio was just happy I had a friend.” Rin smiled as he pressed his cheek into the brunette’s shoulder. “It's kinda cute. He likes how sociable Renzo is, the bubbly personality and everything. Haven't you ever wondered why he helps him study so much?”

“I just figured he thought Renzo was pitiful enough to need it…” Ryuuji admitted in an ashamed tone. “Not like the guy isn't smart in his own right, but…it takes time sometimes. And Miwa and I can only do so much.”

“Well, now you know.” Rin shrugged. He watched Ryuuji dump a majority of the sauce into the pan and mix it until it began to settle on something that would more easily attach to the noodles. “Ya know, it's been a while since somebody cooked for me.”

“Really?” Ryuuji questioned as he continued to mix the sauce.

Rin nodded into his side, a soft smile on his lips. “Yukio isn't completely hopeless in the kitchen, but most times I'll cook a huge meal to last us for the week and we'll live on that until it runs out.” Rin lifted his arms to wrap lazily around Ryuuji’s waist. “Thanks.”

“For feeding you when you obviously weren't worried about it?” Ryuuji teased as he cut the heat on the stove and picked up a silicone spoon with spines dotting the edges.

“For staying.” Rin murmured, barely loud enough for Ryuuji to hear. “Thank you.”

Ryuuji was silent as he began to transfer noodles to the pan. “Wouldn't dream of leaving.”

They fell silent as Ryuuji finished his methodical motions of moving the noodles into the steaming sauce, mixing them once the pot ran dry. When he deemed the mixture sufficient, he reached for a nearby cabinet and extracted a couple plates. He settled the plates on the counter before taking a single dish and filling it with spaghetti. He passed that plate into Rin’s hands and turned to make his own.

The pair cycled back to the living room where they settled on the couch, side by side.

“Is it good?” Ryuuji questioned after a few bites. He wasn’t exactly known for his prowess in the kitchen and wasn't surprised to find the dish lacking. He should've used more salt, maybe added a sprinkle of oregano.

“It's perfect.” Rin smiled at the brunette with a bit of sauce staining his lips. Ryuuji relaxed at his side, his own smile growing.

“Okay.”

And that was that. They watched TV as they ate. When their plates fell empty, they settled them on the coffee table and reclined on the couch. Ryuuji found himself holding Rin’s hand, rubbing his thumb over the knots of his knuckles and feeling the weak beat of his pulse against his wrist. It was silent. It was serene. Ryuuji couldn't imagine anything better.

“I'm scared.” Rin finally said, tone plaintive as he turned to catch Ryuuji’s surprised gaze. “You make me feel things and it's scary. I'm not used to it.”

“Neither am I.” Ryuuji admitted. He tightened his grip on their fingers and focused on the warmth between them. “I've barely done more than kiss somebody before-”

“Renzo said you guys screwed around once when you were drunk.” Rin smirked. Ryuuji immediately snapped his mouth shut as a flush flooded his cheeks. He made a mental note to buy Renzo his damned ice cream that weekend, but also to knock it on the ground soon after. It felt like the proper response to this newly acquired information.

“When did he tell you?” Ryuuji grumbled.

“Like, the day after it happened.” Rin shrugged with a cheeky smile. “He said you cried after because he got spunk on your hands.”

“I swear I need better friends.” Ryuuji groaned as he used his unoccupied hand to cover his eyes and the blush on his cheeks. Rin chuckled as he tugged on Ryuuji’s hand to get his attention. Ryuuji lifted his hand enough to meet the raven’s gaze. “You’ve seriously known all this time?”

“Well, yeah.” Rin tilted his head. “Renzo was going through a crisis and it's not like I had a face to go with the name. Then I _met_ you and I couldn't imagine you crying about anything so I just shoved it to the back of my mind.”

Ryuuji sighed as he went slack against the couch. “Okay…okay.”

Rin was silent as he continued to play with the fingers locked with his own. “What were you saying earlier?”

“Just…I don't know much. I care about Renzo, but that's from years of knowing the guy. I've barely known you for a few months and yet…I don't know. It’s different. Good different, but...still different.”

Ryuuji was silent. Rin let him think. Neither really knew how to continue.

“You remember that picture I sent you?” Rin questioned. Ryuuji blinked before nodding. Rin tugged his feet back onto the couch and leaned his body towards Ryuuji’s own. “Do you know what it was about?”

Ryuuji was silent as he felt Rin’s head land on his shoulder. The brunette finally shook his head. “It was nice, but art isn't exactly my forte.”

“No.” Rin chuckled as he turned his face into Ryuuji’s shoulder. “No, I guess not. But that's okay.”

Rin fell silent as he gathered his thoughts. Ryuuji didn't press him. Fingers tightened and twined between them on the couch. “I set it up with these candles we got on the day our father died.”

“They were white, like everything from the church. I set them up because I wanted something to describe how you made me feel.” Rin smiled as he took a deep breath. “It was fiery. It burned. Everything felt like it would burn away if I wasn't careful. But I always imagined ash. Instead I got wax.”

Ryuuji tried to make sense of Rin’s words and barely had time to come to a conclusion before Rin continued.

“You can always make something new from wax…there's always something left to remind you of what you had. And I wanted to ignore that.” Rin’s fingers tightened around Ryuuji’s fingers. “I wanted it to disappear…because knowing that everything comes to an end is better than believing there's a chance for more…I'm sick of believing in more because I always end up hurting in the end.”

Ryuuji felt Rin’s fingers in tangled between his own, but now the skin felt clammy and unsure. He twisted under Rin’s weight, turned until he could surround the raven in his arms. He wanted to be a barrier against whatever atrocities would throw themselves at Rin, but even Ryuuji knew he could do nothing against the demons that bounced against the interior of Rin’s head.

“I'm sick of being burned for believing in something good…And you made me want to believe again and I wanted it to go away.”

“You can't shut yourself out, Rin.” Ryuuji soothed as he ran his fingers through the raven’s hair, careful of the bun. “Even if you push me away, don't do the same with Yukio. Don't do that to Renzo or Miwa or Shiemi.” Ryuuji pulled back and lifted Rin’s head so their eyes could meet. “And you can believe, that even if you push me away, even if you don't want to go after anything romantic with me, I won't leave you behind. You're my friend, Rin, and I want the best for you... Even if _I'm_ not the best for you.”

Rin smiled then, weak and shaky. “You're better than anything I could've asked for.”

“Then let me help you.” Ryuuji pressed. “Even if it means making sad ass spaghetti and watching cartoons on the weekend. I'll pose for your portfolio, I'll buy you all the tiramisu I can afford, I'll get a tandem bike…” Ryuuji’s voice trailed off as he noticed Rin’s growing smile. His own smile felt small in comparison but no less genuine. “I wanted to date you because you made me happy and I thought I could do the same for you.”

Ryuuji let his gaze drop to their connected fingers. “We can slow down even more. Let Yukio chaperone dates and just…let things go at their own pace.” Ryuuji lifted his eyes to meet and endless sea of blue and black. “I want to be here because you want me here. I don’t want to add any stress to your life. I’m willing to let things move at whatever pace you decide to set, however slow or fast that may be.”

“I’d like that.” Rin whispered. He seemed to debate with himself as he slowly leaned forward. He paused barely a few inches from Ryuuji’s face.

Ryuuji stared into the too blue irises parallel with his own, felt himself get lost in the color as Rin eased forward and connected their lips.

It was different from the kiss last night. It felt more like what their first kiss should have been. The tentative press of lips and gentle pull as Rin slipped away and pushed forward. Ryuuji let him lead, but used the hand on Rin’s cheek to control the pace.

It was slow moving and all encompassing. The burn Rin felt the night before would have dwarfed the feelings bubbling in his chest now. But…he liked this slow build. It felt like the chill that invaded his room on summer nights. Something muggy and drugging as it dragged him into a peaceful lucidity.

It ended slowly, and Rin was surprised to find his breathing level and sure. His lips tingled in a pleasant way and the warmth of Ryuuji’s hand on his cheek felt welcoming instead of scalding. Rin’s eyes slipped closed as Ryuuji drifted closer. Now, forehead to forehead, Rin let his eyes flutter open.

Ryuuji’s eyes were closed, a slight flush on his cheeks that was infinitely more appealing than anything Rin could imagine. The raven lifted a hand to touch Ryuuji’s cheek and wasn't surprised to feel the heat against the brunette’s skin.

“You're so pretty.” Rin murmured. His fingers continued to dance along Ryuuji’s features. They rose up the slope of his nose and dipped into the ridge between his eyes. Ryuuji’s eyelids fluttered open a moment later and found Rin’s gaze between the raven’s fingers.

“Not as pretty as you.” Ryuuji replied, more as a test than any actual challenge. Where Rin had previously shied away from the compliment, he now flushed and ducked his head, effectively disconnecting the two.

“You're a butt…” Rin grumbled as he lifted a hand and pushed Ryuuji away. The brunette went easily and smiled cheekily at the raven.

“But I'm _your_ butt.” Ryuuji corrected as he eased forward and pulled the smaller teen into his chest. “And you'd be lost without me.”

“Nah, I've got Yukio.” Rin hummed, even as he hooked his chin over Ryuuji’s shoulder and disconnected their hands to embrace the brunette fully. “He took up cartography about a year ago so he can lead me wherever I need to go.”

Ryuuji was silent for a moment. “Rin, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your brother’s a nerd.”

“Leave him alone.” Rin chuckled as he slapped at Ryuuji’s back. “He might be a dork, but he’s still my brother.”

“Nice to see you defending me for once.” Yukio snarked as he entered the apartment and dropped his bag on the kitchen table. The teens on the couch immediately separated with equally flushed cheeks as they noticed the younger raven’s gaze lazily moving between them. “You’ve worked out your problems, I hope?”

“Yeah.” Rin answered with a gentle smile. He carefully untangled his and Ryuuji’s legs and stood from the couch. Rin crossed the short distance between the living room and the entrance way and embraced his younger twin, resting his chin on Yukio’s slightly elevated shoulder. “Thanks, Yuki. Sorry about this morning.”

Yukio slowly relaxed as he lifted his arms to return the embrace, gentle in the way his arms settled along Rin’s back. “It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re alright.”

Rin’s arms tightened around Yukio’s neck and the younger raven sighed as he resigned himself to his fate. Ryuuji was the only one privy to the soft smile on the younger twin’s face as he let his cheek rest on Rin’s shoulder.

“Bon made spaghetti if you want some. It's kinda undercooked, but it's still good.”

“I thought you said it was perfect…” Ryuuji grumbled, regardless of his own knowledge of his shortcomings in the kitchen.

“And it is. For a jock, at least.” Rin smirked as he shot Ryuuji a wink over his shoulder.

And this is what Ryuuji imagined their relationship as: something innocent and teasing, with the occasional disagreement that could be smoothed over with a few well placed words and gentle touches. He watched in a subdued daze as Rin ushered his twin into the kitchen. The clatter of plates and the clink of silverware were heard a moment later.

And when Rin stepped out the kitchen a moment later, casually shoving Yukio towards the living room to join them on the couch, Ryuuji caught his eye. The raven’s smile went from playful to serene in that moment, and Ryuuji couldn't think of anywhere else he'd rather be.

Because Rin may be stubborn; he may have a temper as vibrant as Ryuuji’s own when the time called for it; he may be as smart as Yukio when presented with a new artistic project; he may be as reclusive as Miwa when placed in a new environment; he may be as bubbly as Renzo when imbued with mint chocolate chip ice cream and pizza; he may be as dramatic as Shura when he feels slighted; he may be a teenager just navigating the twists and turns of an unorthodox life...

And yet…

Ryuuji blinked as he was struck with a thought. He felt the warmth of Rin’s body at his side as the raven dragged to the couch on his other side. It was a tight fit, but no less comfortable. Ryuuji blinked at the twins, noting their shared features and the ways in which they differed.

He couldn’t stop his lips from lifting in a smile, finally feeling something settle in his chest as he absently reached for Rin’s hand.

He recognized the signs of infatuation as readily as all the protagonists in his literature textbooks, but where they threw themselves wholeheartedly into their heart’s desires, he and Rin slowly simmered along this unfamiliar territory. They pushed and pulled, but never quite boiled over. They had come close, Rin had touched the lip of a foreign precipice that neither knew existed, but Ryuuji was the anchor that held him steady, the levy he needed to balance on that unstable edge. And he could understand the dangers associated with the unfamiliar fire that burned below. He saw the flames as Rin turned to him in surprise, felt them course through his blood as the raven smiled with his too long canines.

He understood Rin’s picture now, and with time, he hoped to expose the unseen wick that would lead into their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ends this epic tale of romance and drama~ I hope the ending was to everyone's liking~ and if not, then write a fanfic of a fanfic~ and seriously, message me if you do because I would honestly love to see something better than the bs I put out there~ ;3; but if not, then I hope you all enjoy~ it's been fun and I'm glad peeps actually stuck along for the ride~ :3 I'm gonna miss you guys as I head back to kpop hell~ so with nothing more to say~ adieu, friends~ stay chill and prosper~


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